Rumor has it, some Dr Kauffmann wrote a letter to Dr Laura but I hear it’s an urban legend. So if no one else claim responsibility, I’m ready and willing.

And people ask me why I don’t like the church-thing…

“Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s  Law.

I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share  that knowledge   with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the  homosexual   lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus  18:22 clearly   states it to be an abomination. … End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other  elements of   God’s Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know  it creates a   pleasing odour for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They   claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned  in Exodus   21:7. In this day and age, what  do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while  she is in her   period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:  19-24. The problem is how do I   tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev. 25:44 states  that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and   female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations.  A   friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not   Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.   Exodus 35:2.   The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally  obligated   to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish  is an   abomination – Lev. 11:10,  it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I   don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20  states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a   defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.  Does my   vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including  the hair   around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden  by Lev.19:27.   How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig  makes me   unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.  19:19 by planting two different   crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments  made of two   different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends  to curse   and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all  the trouble of   getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we   just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do  with people   who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus  enjoy considerable   expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal  and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

Anonymous”

What can I say?